The Psychological Type Model is based on the understanding that we have 16 distinctively different personality types. However, within these types we can find a broad range of variations across the continuum. The evidence indicates that we are born with a given Personality Type that generally does not change, but our behaviours do, as we grow and develop through the variety of life experiences. We learn what behaviours are more appropriate to a given situation and most time try to exhibit some kind of harmony with our environment. All of us have all the same components; but each has an inborn preference that is similar to your dominant hand preference. The fact that you are right handed does not mean that you cannot write with the left. It merely means that you feel more competent and comfortable using the dominant hand. This is the same for your personality.

The foundations of many of the problems that will befall a couple are to be found in intrinsic differences in the core of their personalities. Psychologist Karl Jung uses the term “Attitude” more than 80 years ago to refer to the ways that individuals direct their psychic energy. Research has continued to support this construct. The two attitudes are Extraversion and Introversion.

Extraverts' energy is directed primarily outward, towards people and things outside of themselves. Extraverts tend to be more naturally active, expressive, social, and interested in many things

TO THE EXTRAVERT

• The real world is around you
  
• Energy comes from outside

The Extravert:

• Is Sociable, comfortable and confident in unfamiliar surroundings
  
• Likes organizations, groups, community gatherings, parties
  
• Dislikes being alone

EXTRAVERTS OFTEN:

• Have high energy
  
• Talk a lot
  
• Think out loud
  
• Like to be around people a lot
  
• Are easily distracted

Introverts' energy is primarily directed inward, towards their own thoughts, perceptions, and reactions. Introverts tend to be more reserved, private, cautious, and interested in fewer interactions, but with greater depth and focus.

TO THE INTROVERT

• The real world is within you
  
• Energy comes from within

The Introvert:
Tends to be unsociable, prefers reflection to activity
Feels lost in large gatherings, prefers own thoughts to conversation
At is at his/her best when alone or in small familiar groups

INTROVERTS OFTEN:

• Have quiet energy
  
• Talk less
  
• Think before they act
  
• Are comfortable spending time alone
  
• Have good concentration

EXTRAVERSION COMMUNICATING

• Communicate energy and enthusiasm
  
• Respond quickly without long pauses to think
  
• Focus to talk is on people and things in the external environment
  
• Need to moderate expression
  
• Seek opportunities to communicate in groups
  
• Prefer face-to-face over written communication
  
• In meetings, like talking out loud before coming to conclusions

INTROVERSION COMMUNICATING

• Keep energy and enthusiasm inside
  
• Like to think before responding
  
• Focus is on internal ideas and thoughts need to be drawn out
  
• Seek opportunities to communicate one-on-one
  
• Prefer written over face-to-face communication
  
• In meetings, verbalize already well thought out conclusions

The core of most conflicts between couples can be found in the contrasts noted above. Do you see yourself? Do you see your partner? It is easier for you to learn to understand and appreciate your partner than to successful change them. If you think that they should change for your sake why not try changing yourself. This will allow you to come to grip with how hard change really is.

Let’s look at the advice given by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger in their book “Just Your Type” in contrasting two of the 16 types.
How to Love an INTJ (Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Feeling)

• Be an attentive and respectful listener.
  
• Appreciate my competency and creativity.
  
• Give me plenty of privacy and time alone for me to pursue my interests in depth.
  
• Try not to pressure me to share my feelings before I'm ready.
  
• Be honest and direct about what you need.
  
• Above all - respect my independence and need to live my life according to my own standards.

How to Love an ENTJ (Extravert, Intuitive, Thinking, Feeling)

• Appreciate my ability and willingness to take charge of projects.
  
• Be direct, honest, and unemotional when dealing with problems.
  
• Ask for - and then listen to my advice.
  
• Support my need for professional development and new challenges.
  
• Try to keep our home orderly and organized.
  
• Above all - respect my many competencies and strong opinions.

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